WAY better than FML

Yesterday, in art class, my teacher was explaining the process of drawing portraits. She said, "For example, if I did Alison..." There she paused, laughed, and continued with, "I'd have to take her out to dinner first." It's good to know my teacher is as immature as me. MLIA.

Today in the public bathroom, I heard a little boy in the stall say "you've been in my tummy much too long, and now it is time for us to depart". I've never heard anyone bid farewell to their own feces before. MLIA.

Today, my friend and I were exploring the creepy basement of the movie theater using just a cell phone screen for light, when we saw something creeping alongside the wall. We both screamed and hugged each other. Being boys, we will both keep that secret until we die. MLIA

Last night was our school's homecoming, and at the entrance a few teachers were giving the breathalyzer test. After I took it and was pronounced sober, I walked a few feet to the entrance, raised my fist and shouted, "I BEAT THE SYSTEM!" The look on the teacher's face was priceless. MLIA.

Today, I was telling my mom how girls at school were harassing me about my boobs being small. Without missing a beat my dad says, "I get that at work all the time". I love my dad. MLIA

Yesterday, during an extended math class, I discovered that drawing circles around a small ant on my paper with pen would temporarily entrap him. I probably spent 20 minutes "herding" the little guy with walls, circles, and mazes. Class well spent. MLIA

Today, I was walking around a street fair looking for somewhere to throw away some garbage. I found a plastic bag with a sign above it that said "I'm Trash!" Under said message, someone else had written "Don't be so hard on yourself." MLIA

Today, I realized my phone can read my received text messages out loud. I spent my day having my friends text me rap song lyrics for the pure joy of hearing them in a robot voice. MLIA.

The other day I ran into my little sister's room at midnight to wish her a happy 11th birthday. She was standing at her window, crying hysterically, because an owl didn't bring her a letter from Hogwarts. Never have I been so proud and so sad for my little sis. MLIA. (this one maqde me laugh for a good 2 minutes straight)

Today in my psychology class, I skyped my friend and put her on mute because the professor is incredibly boring and I needed some entertainment. She made 3 pigtails out of her hair and proceeded to attack the screen while pretending to be a triceratops. Class well spent. MLIA

Today while shopping for a new car the dealer took me out to the lot where I looked at the incoming dark clouds and commented that there must be dementors coming. The dealer stopped and said "I'll be right back" and ran inside. She returned with two Hershey bars, handed one to me and said, "just in case." I have the utmost faith in this dealership for my purchase. MLIA

Today, while changing shirts, I discovered three pennies in my bra. I have a lot of questions right now. MLIA.

Today, I said "Hola" to a stranger that happened to be Mexican. I was scared he was going to bash me for being racist when instead he said, "Konnichiwa." I'm Japanese. Touche Mexican stranger, touche. MLIA

Today, I spent lunch period hanging out with my not-boyfriend. For some reason, I was pointing at him and he was trying to bite my finger. An annoying girl said "Oh my God, what are you freaks doing!" I immediately responded "Making out, duh!" He added, without missing a beat, "Yeah, this is how we do it on our planet." I think I'll marry him. MLIA (this one made me awwwww)

Today I saw the cutest little baby. When I was holding him I said to the mom "Awe, Hes so cute." she replied- "Thanks. Made it myself." Best answer by far. MLIA

Today, my boyfriend came dancing into the kitchen singing my name over and over, just as I was preparing to leave for work. He saw me, blushed and said "Oh, you're still here". Made my day. MLIA


^I AM STILL "awwwwww"-ing